There’s something about rejection that hurts. I remember crying at my undergrad rejection from a certain school a couple years ago. It’s like this little sting, a prick or just a tiny papercut that makes irritation just crawl up your spine. It’s just this idea of you’re not good enough for someone or something—right? But then later I reflected and thought that if I was to be accepted at the other program for undergrad, I probably would’ve been extremely miserable. And really—“the other way” which was UCSD has been a far greater learning process for me than I could have ever imagined in regards to so many aspects of my life (especially spiritual growth). It’s almost kind of like a “thank YOU JESUS” that other program didn’t accept me.
A lot of people have told me that if it’s not meant for you, then it’s probably better that you weren’t accepted anyway. The reason being is that it’s better to just be yourself rather than fitting into a mold you’re not meant for—or something like that. Or I’ve heard other people tell me that it’s okay to grow, to wait and really “discover yourself” amidst the time God has given you… an so on. But I think the best thing I learned in the process so far is just to look at how high I’ve built my walls. My walls of security/fall-back plans or walls of hopes and ideals for this thing I wanted most. Where is my identity found in? And so it really made me realize how I used all these things as cover-ups/shields because I didn’t want God to pry away all these issues or insecurities I had when it came to rejection. Overall it was a really humble reminder of this:
Jesus comes all the way in and says, “Underneath it all, there is a power struggle that you have with Me over your dreams […] I want the thing that you think will give you life of power and joy without Me. And until you have given it to me, not only we aren’t right, but you don’t know it, it’s killing you.
Like it’s a natural human emotion to feel bitter or a bit offended really—but its okay (really, or so I tell myself). Even amidst the process, I felt a little out of place to say the least. Kind of like trying to put on my “big girl shoes” or really just trying to handle/tackle something much bigger than what was intended for me at the moment. But what I do know is that God is good. He has provided a grace far more sufficient for me than I could ever imagine—and His power is made perfect in my weakness. And in His time, I think things will eventually fall into place—but for now I think I have quite a bit of growing to do. Rejection hurts, but I know it’s always for the best. As a friend had told me the other day… the ultimate purpose in your life is not to find happiness, but to praise God through all that you do.
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.”
-Mary Anne Radmacher
I got dad’s genes and he got mom’s. This is all backwards… #happynationalsiblingday
There’s a lot to be thankful for in regards to my brother.
I know I was such a little booger when I was a kid and he tolerated a lot of it. I hit him and scratched him A LOT till’ he bled and got scars. I swear I’m not that violent now… but I think he deserved it for farting in my room or on my face a lot. Those were the days… #fondmemories.
I remember this one girl who tried to drown me and my brother swam over to the other side of the swimming pool, yelled at her and yanked her off me. After, he pulled me up and swam away like nothing happened. When people have asked if I would rather have had a sister growing up, I’ve always said no. I learned a lot and am still learning a lot from him.
I like my older brother—just cause. :)
Walking among giants.